


gold dust boy

by alter__idem



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish Loves Ronan Lynch, Bisexual Adam Parrish, Coming Out, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, Literal Sleeping Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Robert Parrish Is His Own Warning, i only mention him though, it's cute i promise, st.agnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27471121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alter__idem/pseuds/alter__idem
Summary: “You know, I was just thinking about my first kiss” Adam said after almost five minutes of complete silence inside of the apartment.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch & Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 12
Kudos: 124





	gold dust boy

Ronan Lynch was a creature made up of want.  
He wanted, and wanted but couldn’t allow himself to touch, not the majority of the time, not when he really wanted to.

He got down from his car, pushed his hands inside of his leather jacket pockets and tried his best to look as normal as possible, as not scared as possible.  
But he was scared, it had been a very long time since he had been as scared as he was in that moment. 

He tried to steady himself and walked as slowly as possible to the stairs that would take him to Adam’s apartment in St.Agnes.

The boy stopped in his tracks and tried to regain his breath leaning his back against the door, trying to be silent.  
He should have been fine, there were only ten stairs to climb to make it to Adam’s door. What had him breathless was that.  
Adam, Adam, Adam.

Adam and want were synonyms in Ronan’s world.

He represented what he wanted most in the world, but at the same time the most impossible thing for him to have.  
But that didn’t stop the want, the desperation with which he wanted to put his hand to Adam’s waist and kiss him senseless, the want to bite Adams collarbones, that sometimes liked to peek from under the boy’s t-shirts, he wanted to be not close to Adam, but inside of his golden, beautiful skin, he never wanted to be without him. He wanted, wanted, wanted.  
And so he waited, waited, waited.  
He waited and prayed for some miracle that made Adam be at least interested in boys, that way he would maybe have some remote possibility of Adam wanting him back.

He was always scared when he went to St.Agnes. Because he knew that he wouldn’t be able to hide that feeling of desperation that tugged at his insides with the force of a tsunami. It overwhelmed him. Wanting something so impossible for him to reach.  
So he knocked on the door with firm fingers, trying not to betray himself by being too soft, too scared.  
So he tried to make his expression indiferent and stoic, he prefered to look like an asshole than betraying his feelings for the other boy with just one look.  
He just wanted him that much.

The door opened to reveal the most beautiful sight Ronan could have asked for. Adam, already changed into the clothes he used to sleep in. Some grey tracksuit pants and an old, loose, almost transparent white t-shirt.  
He looked ethereal, he looked unreal, he looked like a fucking angel, and Ronan felt his knees go weak.  
Longing burned from his chest to his hands, begging him to touch the golden boy in front of him.  
But Ronan just gave him a small smile and made his way into the small apartement without muttering a word.  
Because he was in danger, he wanted and wanted, and wanted too much, and for the simple fact that he was there, he was risking everything.  
He was risking his most well kept secret, he was risking one of the purest things he had known in his life, his friendship with Adam, getting to see a part of him he didn’t even let Gansey and Blue see. The thought burned bright red in his chest, making him feel important, hopeful.

“You know, I was just thinking about my first kiss” Adam said after almost five minutes of complete silence inside of the apartment.

Adam was sitting on his cheap, uncomfortable looking chair, in front of his even cheaper looking table in which he usually did his homework and ate when he had the time to eat sitting down.

“Yeah?” Ronan tried to sound uninterested.

He looked like something pulled out of Ronan’s dreams. And sometimes he just wasn't sure if that wasn’t the case, because Adam really was that perfect.  
The only thing that convinced Ronan that the other boy was not a dream, was that he was straight, and not at all interested in Ronan romantically whatsoever.  
And it was heartbreaking, but at least it was real.

“It was my first. but it’s also my last, you know, because Blue wouldn’t kiss me and all that” he continued, as if not noticing how eager and heartbroken Ronan was to hear anything that had to do with Adam’s lips touching another’s that weren’t his.

“You wanna tell me about it?” Ronan asked, afraid of the answer and how it would affect his already messy insides.

“Sure” Adam shrugged and took his eyes off the textbook he had on the table. “I was fourteen and desperate to know how it felt to kiss someone I was attracted to, so I basically spent all summer looking for someone “first kiss worthy”” he made the sign with his fingers and smiled a little. “August was ending and I had already almost lost all hope and, let’s be honest I didn't even know if I wanted to kiss anyone anymore” Adam smiled looking at Ronan. “But you know how I can get when I want something”.

Ronan prepared himself for the incredible hurt that was to come, knowing Adam’s first kiss and thinking about Adam with a beautiful girl, who had probably deserved the golden boy much more than him.

“But then one of my oldest friends from the trailer park came back home, don’t ask me where he went because I honestly have no idea, I was too worried trying not to end up in the hospital because of my father” He said, his expression sour but matter-of-factly, he had accepted long ago that his past was what it was and he couldn’t change it.

He went silent again and Ronan felt vulnerable and weird and didn’t even know what to do, because he had agreed to listen to the story because it seemed like one of the few happy ones Adam had from the trailer park, and damn his own feelings if he could see the light of a fond memory on Adam’s eyes at least for a second.

But this had taken a wrong turn and now Adam was silent and looking at his hands as if he didn’t know how to continue. He was lost, and Ronan was the only one who was allowed to see that. And it made him feel so fucking special, and necessary, and wanted, that he didn’t even think about his next move and he sat down in the floor next to Adam’s chair, took the other boy’s hand inside his own and bared his eyes, letting the vulnerability flow out of him in torrents, hands trembling.

“Tell me about the kiss” he murmured.

“Yeah, yeah the kiss” Adam came back to himself slowly but steadily, holding Ronan’s hand like a lifeline. “When I saw my friend in front of my trailer that night I knew I was about to have my first kiss” he sighed. “I just was so careless, because for me there was nothing wrong with it, because kisses were natural, and innocent, and the people in the TV seemed to love them, so why wouldn’t I kiss my best friend at the moment, to whom I was attracted?” Adam lowered his gaze to meet Ronan’s eyes. “Why?” He asked the other boy.

Ronan had no fucking clue why, but he kew his insides were melting slowly, while his thumb caressed Adam’s knuckles, slowly, lovingly.

“Well, I’ll tell you why” Adam smiled softly. “Because my father was looking directly at us through the kitchen window, but most importantly, because my best friend was a boy named Aaron.” he whispered. “And I just kissed him, because I wanted to and because I could, without a single thought of, this is wrong, my father is going to kill me.” He laughed a little bit.

Adam had kissed a boy, Adam’s first kiss was a boy and he had liked it, and he had felt attracted to the boy before, and maybe Adam really was a dream thing.  
Ronan tried to breathe, but found that he couldn’t, that his wanting was overflowing and running through his arteries at lightning speed, leaving a burning sensation on its way.

“I don’t need to tell you what happened just a second later” Adam whispered. “So I just tried my best to forget that I had ever found a boy attractive and tried to focus only on the part of me that liked girls. And it was almost easy, because it’s still a part of me, because of course I liked Blue, and everything would have been fine even with Blue being in love with Gansey because I would still look like I was straight” Adam used the hand that wasn’t between Ronan’s to take the glass of water that sat on his table and drink a big gulp.

“Adam…” Ronan’s voice was hoarse, raw with want.

“Please let me finish,” Adam said quickly, closing his eyes. “Because you’re here, and you are real, and you have those eyes that make me want to look at them all the time, and your lips, and your hands, and your voice, and it’s just too much, I want you too much…” "And it’s not just physical you know, I don’t just want to kiss you because I think you’re hot, which I do, but because I love you and it’s hard to breathe having you so close but so far at the same time” He said. “Because for the second time in my whole life I’ve decided to let myself want whatever it is that I really want, and that’s you.”  
He finally opened his eyes and found Ronan looking at him with the same expression Adam had.  
Pure want.

“But i don’t just want to make you want me, because I know that you don’t fucking do casual” Adam’s fingers went to Ronan’s cheeks and stroked it slowly. “Because it’s been months, and I think that you’re it for me” Adam’s thumb grazed Ronan’s bottom lip with reverence. “And I’m so, so fucking scared that you don’t want me like that, that I’ve imagined you looking at me as much as I have been looking at you, that you don’t want forever with me” He whispered and finally dared to connect his eyes with Ronan’s blue ones for more than a second.

Ronan looked like he was about to explode from the inside, and he didn’t really know if he was going to cry or to laugh, because he felt liberated and full of light and he looked at Adam’s partially opened lips, licking his.

“You know,” Ronan said “you have to know that I want you too, there’s just no way you don’t, I’ve been so obvious”

Adam smiled a little hopeful smile, and let himself fall to the floor, just in front of Ronan.

“Can I kiss you?” Adam whispered, already pulling Ronan’s face closer to his, until their foreheads bumped.

“Fuck yes” Ronan said, panting from how good everything felt.

Adam didn’t waste a second and took the other boy’s lips between his own, slowly and sweetly.  
Adam tasted like honey, and coffee and life.  
Ronan tried his best to correspond the kiss, making Adam whimper in his mouth and deepen the kiss, Ronan’s hands were everywhere, Adam’s hair, his legs, his waist, his stomach, and everything felt finally complete.  
They separated, both panting aggressively.

Ronan opened his eyes and looked at Adam, who was bearing a beautiful smile, while they got up from the floor and got into Adam’s mattress, both of them together for the first time.

They were both lying down, on their sides, looking into each other’s eyes with care, surprise and recognition.

Both of them closed their eyes and, while putting his arms around Adam’s torso, Ronan murmured: “Please God, don’t let me be dreaming.”

But then Adam chuckled softly, and everything was right.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it, comments give me life so please leave one on your way out!  
> \---------  
> I have a lot of ideas for these two for NaNoWriMo, but if you have any suggestions please tell me and maybe I'll make it happen! :)


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